Hello COTM, your post has been on my mind. I see some anger in your responses here and I have to say that is good! That means you still have some fight in you! People are concerned, it's only natural. I don't know you that well but you always come across as caring of others, perhaps too much in the sense that it takes a lot out of you. You are sensitive and you've been mistreated to say the least.

I do understand your sentiments and that feeling but YOU are a valuable person and your time is not up yet! I've worked with terminally ill patients and I can tell you it's awful. Don't wish for life to be over! You obviously have more to give and experience.

Please reevaluate what is going on in your life. Make changes so you are no longer treated like a doormat! Go back to your mental health team and get better medication and psychotherapy, you deserve the best. Let the thoughts run but don't let them take over! Please, get help.