Good for you, making those rooms nice. A woman who can create order where there was messiness has an awesome power. You do not have to preserve that house and it's contents as a shrine to these adult kids. I remember being upset when my mother unburdened herself of what I had left behind when I happily flew the nest. Kids want to have their cake and eat it too. I did. You are not a curator of a museum exhibiting momentos of their lives.

I don't doubt the loneliness that makes even sit downs with the ex seem like a connection to try and preserve. But I think you may be over-connected with him. He does not belong having sit-down conferences with you extensively discussing this, that and the other thing. Since your children are adults, your ex and you should not be spending so much time together. Isn't that the point of divorce. You should run into him, infrequently, at family shindigs, where you make innocuous small talk with him, along the lines of "The days sure have gotten shorter since we turned the clocks back." That's about as close as you want to let him get into your business. Smile, discuss the weather, but make yourself scarce. He's still micro-managing you. None of his business!