I get it, it is really hard to feel the pain that has been dissociated for so long. Two of my parts hate therapy and want to go back to "how it was before". For them "before" looked like getting on with normal daily life and being completely unaware of the abuse and the pain. So I can understand why they want what they had before.
But for other parts "before" was being abused and left to cope with it alone. "Before" was not safe. "Before" is being stuck in pain with no way out of it and that is the only thing you know. They are stuck in their knowing and can never escape it or have anything good.
It is so hard and all the hurting that has already happened has to be realized and felt. That is really the only way things can ever be right again I think. But I also think and hope that after the pain has been worked through things will be even better than before. I hope for that.