In a previous post that I had made, I stated a lot about losing family due to my issues or issues with other members in my family.

I am so terrified of being alone. I had created these false pretenses of what I thought reality was and I am so detached from the true reality that we al live.

After all the hurt that I had just caused, I can see the fear, the hurt and the anger in the eyes of those that I love.

I can see the hatred and the pain I have caused and it has been keeping me up at night. Knowing the damage I had caused is making me not eat, I cant sleep I am deteriorating knowing the pain I caused is not repairable. I want to salvage everything that I can, and I know that if I lose anyone, that is on me.

I own my mistakes but I need help coping with my mental state and I feel losing those around me would be the end of me. But I cant let it be that wy.