No I don't think life has to be as painful for me as it has always been. I believe that eventually once I work through my core issues, lifes normal up's and downs will be far less painful. For me the post I posted showed me that in the short term I have been doing things, going back to behaviours to stop the immediate pain, but if I allow myself to go through the barrier I will eventually see that what I thought was helping me was infact keeping me stuck. LIfe can be a joy, it doesn't have to be a chore.