Perhaps that medication was not a good fit for you either. There are many medications similar to it out there. What works for some, may not for others. Some do not respond to meds at all. I don't - well, very slightly at least. But I found essential oils (a type of alternative therapy) benefits me. Again, alternative therapies are a "good fit" for some and not others. Keep looking til you find your "good fit". I don't know if your outlook on death will change. It may or may not - but at least it would make existing easier, right?