Quote:
Originally Posted by CloserToTheMid
I'm a member of AA. My daughter, turns out, is also an alcoholic/addict. I'm so happy she has begun her journey to recovery and sober living. I am also a sponsor. Of course I would never sponsor her, but I really want to support her. She has a sponsor, and I don't want to get in the way.
My question is, what should I and shouldn't I do or say in my relationship with my daughter regarding the program. My sponsor has already given me one: Don't ask her about her program. Let her come to me if she really wants to talk about it. What do you think, friends? What would you do?
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I'm glad your daughter decided to to get sober, attend meetings and get a sponsor (Damn! It took me the longest time to ask someone to be my sponsor!) If you had questions about her drinking/using it's got to be a huge relief to know she's acknowledging she has/might have a problem.
I'm with your sponsor 100%. I'm a proponent of the idea that everyone has space to work the program a little differently...You probably know of other sponsors in the program who work differently with their sponsees than you do with your sponsees. I'm kind of an AA radical, though, as you might have gathered if you read a post that was opened here in the 12 step forum yesterday. I'm kind of way out there...
Since you know that about me before I give advice, I'll share my girlfriend's & my experience. We met in AA & have been living together for 11 years. Wow! Do we ever work totally different programs! She did the steps the first time in one month...You might have heard of Back to Basics "seminars." It took me about two years to work the steps. She's religious & I'm an agnostic. She uses Hazeldon guides & the 12 & 12 with sponsees & I don't...etc. These things just scratch the surface. Despite the fact we've both been in the program quite a few 24 hours, we go to different meetings & don't question each other about the way we work our programs. Doing so would be a disaster! We both have our space...which keeps us speaking to each other.
However, we often volunteer info/talk program...but we never push each other, pry or question our very different approaches. Again, space is the key! I think if we were to push or pry, one of us would either be back out, or we would no longer be together. It should probably be the same way with your daughter. In time, she might want to discuss program...If not, that's OK, too. Keep in mind (& you probably know this from sponsoring others) many people go back out in their "first rodeo." Don't push her if she does...In fact she might be afraid that she might fail & disappoint you. Do you think that might be an issue?
Anyways, I've intruded enough!
Advice is a dime a dozen & all I'm playing with is my two cents worth!
Again, it's got to do your heart good to know that she's going to meetings & actually got a sponsor! That shows she's willing to hear the about someone else's "experience, strength & hope". Blah, blah, blah...I pontificate too much. Take care & easy does it.