Stone, we had these kind of problems going back to forever. This is why I gave up living with him. I never stopped caring deeply about him, and I still enjoyed when we had a nice day together. Caregiving became a case of "mission creep." At first, I was just bringing his laundry to the nearest "wash and fold." Over a period of years, I took on one more task . . . and then another and another. I applied to programs to get him help, thinking they would do most of what he needed. Home attendants don't come in and take over responsibility like that, unless you find a very special person. Plus, he needs care 24/7.

I think about going to some Al-Anon meetings. They understand that a person can choose to stay with a partner who causes a lot of pain. Rather than say you should leave, they preach creating a life for yourself. I need to do that. And, yes, dementia makes him less able to take in what I ask of him .. . . but he never took it in, anyway.

Crypts, you sum up my situation very well. I think "emotional neglect" fits very well.