My finances are really strung out right mow, and has been for some time. Allot of expenses coming up, and I cannot afford to use the credit card for this anymore. So I have applied for a home equity line of credit with two separate banks. We shall see what happens next. For the time being, my ex is helping me with the groceries.

I ended up with a DUI taking only my prescribed psychotropics at prescribed dosages. I was actually terrified when I was arrested. Blood test came back identifying Loranzepam as the active metabolite, but it comes in at a low theraputic dose. My pdoc thinks that there may be something else wrong with me. Great. Just great. I do not need serious physical problems to add to my other problems now.

My daughter and I are doing terribly. She tells me that she does want me in her life. This makes me so so sad. She has done allot of very bad things when she was with me. I told her that as a consequence, I cannot trust her. Instead of doing something about it, she does not want to deal with us at all. Instead, she blames the problems on me. I had a very long talk with her, so we will see what happens next. She is a troubled child that is becoming an adult in four months. Until she emotionally matures a lot more than she has, she will have a difficult life. I worry about her constantly. No matter what happens, I will always be there for her.

PS I have been wondering why I was not really upset when my mother passed earlier this year. Now it is starting to catch up with me. I am beginning to miss her very much. My daughter does.