I actually fit that description precisely and it is aggravating describing it to others.

You are told "don't do it! you have so much to offer!"
Or
"Death is not what you really want ... (adlib their motion of what you want)"

So - in essence - you are basically told you don't know what it is you are feeling n you need to stop feeling it.

Translation to the person feeling it: "keep your feelings to yourself, they are too scary, I can't deal with them so you need to accept what I can handle"

End result: person feeling this way - never says a thing n just sinks ever further into depression and feeling totally alone in how they feel, like nobody else has ever felt this.

I don't know if this feeling ever results in suicide. I do know it would be odd. I have absolutely zero interest in taking part in ending my life.

But...

Let someone come thru my door, weapon in hand n threaten to use it on me ... this girl would just stand there n let him (or her) use it

If I was out on a boat that capsized n we could not right it. Sure, I would go through the motions of treading water .. but when I got too tired to continue n when I started to feel exhaustion n dehydration overtake me - I would welcome the knowledge of what is to come.

If I were diagnosed with a terminal illness - I would not fight it off.

But...I will not actively put a weapon in hand or create a dangerous situation on which to cause my demise.

I simply know - death would be better. Period. So I long for it. The same as many long for a million dollars yet refuse to rob a bank.