I've got a heart condition, DID, fibromyalgia, anxiety, and depression. I've failed more than one suicide attempt.

My friend and two of her daughters died at the church shooting. I feel so much anger that such an amazing friend, mother, wife and person along with two innocents died.

The funeral is next week and I wish I could take their place. It's like I'm mad at the world and sad at the same time. Why them? Why couldn't I trade their fate?

I'm feeling guilt that even though I've wanted to die so long, I'm still here and they aren't. What do I do now? How can I stop the pain?