Listen it's not your fault. I know that probably won't help, but maybe if you write down that it's not your fault ault mault cault bualt vault(please ignore rhyming and nonsense sentences) some where and put it where you can see it maybe it can. Tell the voices it's not your fault that people's dying was not because of you. You didn't plan it, you didn't know it was going to happen. Something's just happen and unfortunately we can't do anything about it. But what we can do is accept that it happened. You can accept that it lit fit kit mit rit happened and it wasn't because of you. Suicide is not going to help. You need help.