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Nov 09, 2017, 03:20 PM
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Member Since: Mar 2009
Location: USA
Posts: 10,967
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I agree with your many friends, relatives, and quizzes: his behavior is abusive and totally unacceptable.
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I feel very hurt, disrespected, violated, and trodden upon
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These feelings are valid. I'm very sorry that you have to deal with this pain from your own husband.
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It is....very hard for me to accept that, because I still believe him to be a good man.
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Maybe he is a good man in some ways. People are complicated: It is quite possible to be a doting father and an abusive husband. No matter how good he is in other ways, though, he is abusive to you.
Good job taking over the finances! It took courage to defy him.
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One time I had a nightmare that a man climbed in the bedroom window and raped me; I woke up shaken and horrified, because it had felt real, but then I realized it was just a dream. He was furious with me for days; thought that it had really happened and I was lying about it being a dream.
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His response to your terrifying nightmare is just stunning and totally hurtful and inappropriate. He did not comfort you for the terror of the dream? And what if it were true, that a man climbed in your window and raped you? He would be furious with you? That is just completely wrong, awful, horrible.
And he carries on in his fury for days? That in itself is abusive.
What do you love about this man who controls, belittles, mistrusts, scorns, and sexually assaults you?
It is quite possible to love someone but also to realize that one should not be in a relationship with her/him.
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I don’t want to take my daughter’s daddy away from her, because she loves him deeply and he is so sweet to her
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If you were to separate from/divorce him, he would still have access to your daughter in a structured way. Your attorney would see that everything was structured fairly.
But speaking of your daughter, in my opinion you should ask yourself if the relationship that you have with your husband is something that you want her to take in and use as a model. The way her father treats you is what she will learn to expect and accept from the men in her adolescent and adult life. Is that what you want for her?
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Is it okay to be so rampantly suspicious, regardless of the fact that I have never been unfaithful and never will be?
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No.
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Everyone I know has told me to leave.
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I agree with them.
If you want to try marriage counseling, go ahead. Insist that he go each week, insist that he take it seriously and try to follow the guidance of the counselor.
I think that you yourself would benefit from individual counseling, to understand why you still accept the way that he treats you.
In my opinion, he could benefit from individual counseling as well. He needs it. The problem is not in your marriage, the problem is in his thinking and in his behavior.
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