Thank you, Bill. I'm very grateful for your response and advice.

I agree with your viewpoint on his reaction to my nightmare. It was about a year ago, but frankly it still upsets me to think back to that time. There have been a few instances where he refused to believe me even when I was telling the truth, which has always hurt.

I still love him because, in many ways, he is a very good man. And he used to treat me very well, despite a few "warning signs" such as the snooping and suspicion and jealousy. It was always fairly minor and did not last long, so I forgave. I am a very forgiving, trusting, gullible person....I am very aware of this. I tend to believe the best of someone, no matter what, until I absolutely cannot anymore and there is absolutely no doubt. This is kind of where I am in our marriage, in fact. I believed the best of him for so many years, and now I have lost my "rose glasses" and have realized how unhappy this relationship has become. Which is heart-breaking because, in many ways, he was a wonderful partner. For many years he supported me, encouraged me, gave me advice on issues I was struggling with, was thoughtful and considerate, etc. Things started to take a turn for the worse after 2 years, then got better and healed and our relationship was good again, and then......well, I hate to say this, but after I gave birth our relationship collapsed. I have no idea why, but our daughter's birth somehow triggered him to start treating me like a horrible person and a horrible mother. This went on for 2 years, until I started feeling suicidal. I've been there before (as a teen) so I knew how to talk myself down from it without external help, and then I realized that for me to be thinking those thoughts, something was very very wrong and I needed to seek out the source. It is then that I began to realize our relationship was unhealthy.

I have asked myself this question over and over for the last 2 weeks. I do not want this for her, no matter what. But I have hope for change through counseling.

I absolutely agree on the counseling aspect. To be honest, I have suggested marriage counseling for us many times over the years and he always scoffed at it, saying that it was just for people trying to prove that they are right and their partner is wrong. (Which is not at all how I see it!)

In the last few days, his behavior has changed dramatically. Bought me flowers, has been very considerate and thoughtful, respectful of my boundaries, allowing me the space to tell him no to sexual advances, allowing me to have a phone and online accounts he cannot access, etc. He said he realized that he has been trying to control me and that he needs to change, and is willing to go to counseling to seek this change.

But....I am scared. Part of me is hopeful, but the other part wonders how long this will last, and when things will go back to the way they were before.

I have already decided that I will leave if his behaviors continue or come back. I do not want that for myself, or for my daughter.

.....it is so hard to accept that this is domestic abuse. It seems so unreal to think that I allowed this to happen in my life.