Quote:
Originally Posted by rainbow in the dark
How many times did you have to read the big book to understand it. I did the 12 steps before with a good sponsor and then I think I have it all figured out...and then I get upset for some reason and I am back to square one it seems. I seem to forget this easier than say algebra,  |
I think you're being too hard on yourself...or perhaps your sponsor was too hard on you. As far as I'm concerned, understanding and accepting Step One is 90% of the job
(many, perhaps most in AA would disagree with me & that's OK). There are two parts to Step One, of course:
1.) We admitted we were powerless over alcohol -
2.) That our lives had become unmanagable.
First, I was never able to have just one beer & feel comfortable...It was a kind of powerlessness to stop at one, two or three like a "normal drinker." I was
powerless over alcohol. I couldn't control my drinking, no matter how many times I promised myself I would. Once I started drinking, I never knew if I'd get so drunk that I'd say or do something stupid, or blackout altogether. Kind of a stupid way to live...
Secondly, since I couldn't control my drinking
my life had become unmanagable. I had problems on the job, in my marriage, lost friendships & other relationships, drank instead of spending time with my parents & other family, etc. I made excuses for all of these things...other people, places & things were my problem. It wasn't me! Once I accepted that alcohol was a HUGE source of my unmanagability, it was a big step towards stopping...One day at a time.
Blah, blah, blah...I always go on too long. I was just outlining my own experiences; yours might be very different. Learining & living Step One is 90% of the job where my sobriety is concerned. And I know you've already accepted this step, because you've got a couple years of sobriety! In "How It Works," which is a chapter in the Big Book, it says
explicitly that the steps are merely a suggestion. Anyone who tells you that they're working them perfectly, or that there's a "right answer" is too big for their own britches, in my opinion.
In short, now that I've blabbed on too much, the best & most important part of the Big Book for me is all the stories after page 164, because I consistently find myself thinking, "Yep, I did that!"..."Oh, I drank the same way!"...or, "They got sober, so I can, too!" The Big Book is like a portable meeting (that's all it is for me). Don't listen to some asshat who says it's algebra! It sounds like you've got this & are
willing to learn about life on life's terms. Carry on, then!
