I really want to say thank you so much to everyone. I just got out of IP todayqnd read all of your positive vibes and thoughts for me and I’m so truly touched. So thank you all for your continued support. You guys are all great friends of mine.

So yeah, ten days IP. It was rough. i was in a unit for severely ill people (probably because of all my ranting about my brain trying to kill me) so it was hard. Many of them couldn’t hold a conversation and there was a lot of confrontation, angry outbursts, people getting shot up with haldol, etcetera. I stayed in my room most of the time. I tried to attend groups but they would go completely off topic and arguments would break out.

I did however get a med overhaul. Upped the depakote, traded vraylar for zyprexa, Traded emsam for Wellbutrin. Zyprexa started helping right away. Two days in i started to realize that my brain wasn’t trying to kill me. That actually made me more upset because I then felt so guilty about being suicidal.

I’m not 100% but the compulsion to harm myself is quiet for now. I’m mildly depressed but it is hard to get back into the swing of things after being IP. I am starting PHP again on Monday. Will be there for two weeks then switch to the evening IOP and go back to work, as much as i don’t want to.

Again, thank you for your kindness, i’m So happy I have this community.