Quote:
|
n the last few days, his behavior has changed dramatically. Bought me flowers, has been very considerate and thoughtful, respectful of my boundaries, allowing me the space to tell him no to sexual advances, allowing me to have a phone and online accounts he cannot access, etc. He said he realized that he has been trying to control me and that he needs to change, and is willing to go to counseling to seek this change.
|
Be aware that abusers typically have periods of time when they are kind, supportive, etc. That is a standard part of the cycle of abuse. It is particularly likely to happen when an abuser is concerned that he may be losing his grip on his victim.
Quote:
|
But....I am scared. Part of me is hopeful, but the other part wonders how long this will last, and when things will go back to the way they were before.
|
Yes. I'm sorry to say that that, in my opinion, that is the usual pattern absent outside intervention/therapy: return to the longstanding abusive behaviors.
Quote:
|
I have already decided that I will leave if his behaviors continue or come back. I do not want that for myself, or for my daughter.
|
I'm glad to hear this!
Quote:
|
.....it is so hard to accept that this is domestic abuse. It seems so unreal to think that I allowed this to happen in my life.
|
It sounds like you might be blaming yourself. If so it would be particularly helpful, I think, to discuss these ideas of self-blame with a therapist. I believe that a good therapist can help you understand how you--a person who is
very forgiving, trusting, gullible person....who
tends to believe the best of someone, no matter what, until I absolutely cannot anymore and there is absolutely no doubt--ended up experiencing domestic abuse.
What concerns me a great deal is that his sudden change in behavior--the flowers, the thoughtfulness, the respect, his willingness to "allow" you to reject sexual advances, to "allow" you to have a phone and private online accounts--might be akin to a reset: They might give new inspiration to your extreme willingness to forgive and trust and believe the best, no matter what. Be very attentive to, and very careful about, the tendencies of yours that he might be recharging with his sudden change in behavior.
