Recently when speaking with my cousin, he mentioned an idea I had not thought of. Let me explain.

See, in counseling I was always placed in CBT. I got so good at it I knew exactly what to tell them so I would get what I needed since they never seemed to care much about my issues anyway.

So - the things I learned in CBT that were good for me were the relaxation techniques n coping strategies and understanding "its not my fault".

Then, I heard about DBT. I was intrigued and wanted to try it out. Unfortunately my insurance refused to pay for any of those counselors. So - I taught myself via the books both online and in stores.

The things I benefited from DBT were to analyze everything I was feeling, every action or reaction I had, and figuring out why I feel this way or want to do this and what other options there are and which one is best - but also, giving myself permission to just feel. Learning that I and every other person on this earth only control ourselves - our actions, decisions, beliefs, reactions, thoughts, and emotions - but we cannot and should not try to control others. We can influence them, but never control. It gave me back control of myself and have me the sense of empowerment I needed to not have to feel I needed to wear a mask if I felt depressed - I was allowed to do that n if others can't handle it that's on them.

But even after all that, I felt, I had "mostly recovered" but - something is still missing n that's why I still spiral when under too much stress.

So - when I was talking to my cousin ... He explained, there is a 3 step process to it.

1. CBT
2. DBT
3. ACT

I had never heard of ACT - what it does, is teach you how to put everything in focus so to speak. Only do things when they are in line with your values. It teaches you how to stop trying to be what others want you to be and start being you. How to just let things "be" and not try to turn them into something else or dwell on them.

So ... That's the step I am missing. I don't know where the rest of you are.

After he explained all this to me, it made sense how it worked together. At least to me.

Hope that helps.