I don't know if this will help you and you don't have to take my advice. The following is just an idea. Recently you found out about that person at my church who is stalking me, the one who put his hand on my throat. My priest was in a similar situation, he was taken hostage. He told me I will be going through PTSD. Let me tell you I never experienced this and I have suffered visions of my attack. Being terrified in public when men of his size are near me, nightmares, etc. My priest is willing to talk me through this and I will be arranging an apt to talk to him.
Only reason I bring this up is perhaps you could talk to a priest or a pastor who suffers from this and could counsel you. Or talk to someone, not in the psychology field, who also has suffered BPD disorder for a long time.
B.T.W. My restraining order has been approved, yet I still am scared. It seems. The man who did this to me is allowed to be at my church. This means We will be in church together. He can't talk or get close to me, yet seeing and knowing he could be there isn't a comfortable thought. God be with you.