I could have posted this here or in depression, since both are involved, but I thought I'd post it here, since I post here more.

I relapsed on alcohol just under 4 months ago, and have now been sober 2 months. I'm deeply depressed, and unmotivated. When I'm not in rehab, I just hide in bed.

I haven't worked full time since 2010 - been too sick with depression and alcoholism. I started working part time in January of this year at a no skill telemarketing and then fundraising job, which I lost because I missed too much work due to depression.

I'm currently living on social assistance, not enough to live on, and financial support from my brother. I hate this. It makes me feel like I sponge. I've applied for disability insurance but have been told the approval process can take up to 8 months. Even if I get disability, I'll still need assistance from my brother, which thankfully he's willing to provide.

Both my addictions Dr., and my psychiatrist are adamant that I'm not well enough to work yet. My pdoc wants me to try a 6 week course of transcranial magnetic stimulation, and has also talked about readmitting me to the hospital. But I'm bored out of my mind. I've applied to join a clubhouse for the mentally ill called Progress Place which basically does vocational rehab during the day, and then social activities evenings and weekends. Once I join there, I'll have more stuff to do and won't be as bored.

But and it's a big But I'm not sure how much of my depression is situational over being bored and not able to support myself. I have a job interview on Mon. for another low skill job, that I could probably get, if I wanted it. It has both full and part time options. Working part time would be an easier start for me, and still allow me to do some treatment, but I'd lose the medical benefits I get with social assistance - namely drug coverage. I'd still have partial drug coverage, but would have to pay a quarterly deductible of approximately 300 / quarter. And I'd still need assistance from my brother. Going back full time would let me support myself, and start to pay off debt, particularly when the minimum wage rises in January to 14/hr. This has a lot of appeal to me, since my independence is important to me, I'm just not sure I can handle going back to work full time. I'm pretty sure I can stay sober with the help of disulfiram, and appointments with my addictions Dr., that I'd negotiate time off for. I'd also negotiate time off for regular pdoc appointments.

Part of me thinks working would boost my self esteem, which would help with the depression, and I should at least try it if I have the opportunity, sort of a nothing to loose situation. If I can't handle it, I'll just wind up unemployed again and be no worse off than I am now.

Any thoughts would be appreciated.

splitimage