For me, with Bipolar 1 disorder, it is exactly how you explained it. Lots of rage, anger and then "self" loathing. I have been like that most of my young adult life. It's the disability leading you. It takes it's toll on the ones you love as well. Very dibillitating if you ask me? Once more, you don't understand any better than anyone else. The dominoes don't fall into place until you have a correct diagnosis and the right treatment. Meds are very important
if you want your episodes to plateau out. They need to get down to a reasonable level so you enjoy your life.
You are right..........the symptoms are much the same, but
you might experience different levels. Today I think I was having an manic epi. as I was euphoric and feeling good, but maybe too good? I get real "chatty" when I'm in an episode and can't make myself leave if I'm in a conversation. It must drive some people nuts????.......but
that's the crux of the matter............you don't realize you're doing it until you come down off the ladder. (so to speak)
I am down now.........and I feel so so. Is that what you meant?