It’s a very difficult decision. I was just diagnosed BP 2 this year. I started and stopped 2 different meds (Epival and Seroquel) partly due to side effects but mainly non compliance and denial of diagnosis on my part. I would get worse again with no medication. I still struggle with those things but am now under pdocs care and I’m taking lamotrigine. I’m at 50 mg/ day and notice my mood is starting to stabilize (still have some down, tearful moments but SI and SH thoughts lessened considerably) and I’ve had no negative side effects so far. Increasing slowly up to 200 mg/day.
To answer your questions. At this point I do not feel emotionless and I have still had a few days of productive energy.
Best of luck