I’ve been extremely sensitive and generally fearful for the majority of my life. I usually dread situations that are unpredictable or involve a lot of interpersonal interaction, and I don’t handle rejection, disappointment, or unpleasant surprises very well at all.

I’ve had lots of therapists give me lots of techniques for positive thinking and mindfulness and trying to counter self-loathing thoughts, but I think the problem is that I don’t really want to do any of that. My low, self-hating state of mind is actually really comfortable — because I don’t have to deal with that constant nagging voice in the back of my head telling me to go out and meet people or put myself in other anxiety-producing situations, because ‘you never know, it might pay off in the future.’

I don’t really have any significant goals in my life at this point, so I really don’t see any good motivation to try and counter any of my negative thinking. It’s so much easier to just stay in that zone rather than give myself any more false hope.