I had the experience that being trapped in the bad marriage with a guy who was financially irresponsible & unable to emotionally connect, I was like a tiger in a trap that kept having sticks poked at me, I didnt have any rose colored glasses & never felt love either direction. So when I ended up trapped with no way out, I struck out with my claws. I fought his kind of abuse with my own kind of abuse. Talk about a messy situation. The relief of finally being able to escape.....once I was out I had a difficult time grasping that I was free. Though he up is still destroying me financially, having the distance & my freedom, I have no desire to continue fighting back with my abuse. Makes me realize that in some cases (not yours) abuse is a self defense reaction....but it still is abusive action. I look back & wonder how I would have reacted differently & honestly...I probably wouldn't since it was in reality the only voice I could find in a situation like that. I would have had to have not married in the first place like my gut feeling told me or left while I had my career instead of hiding in it but stayed for our daughter which only messed her up more.

Relationships & even abuse is so much more complex in certain situations that we can ever imagine in a generalized sort of way.

Your bring up about abuse triggered my memory in realizing that was how I responded to the kind of abuse I was experiencing. Ugh, a relationship where nothing but abuse is being slung around....no where to duck to miss it. Would live my life pleasantly alone before ever getting involved in something like that again. Somehow peace & quiet is very inviting after a life like that.