First - you said "I know my depression is not as bad as others" .. No matter the "reason" - if the pain is severe enough you want to end your life or try to end your life, then it is by no means to be minimized in any way. Your pain is just as great - and maybe more so - than any other "depressed" person. This is why we do not compare one person's pain to the other's - there is no accurate way of doing so. My dog passed away a couple months ago. I cried like a baby for weeks. Some, would just shrug their shoulders and go on with life. Still others may try to end their life. Same event - different amounts of pain. And even if we see one person crying n another not - that does not mean the one not crying is not hurting, that person may even be hurting more. Asking a person does no real good either because some will lie, some can't describe it well and some will just never understand no matter how well someone describes it. So there is no accurate measure. No way to compare. Don't try. Just know your pain is important - always. *hugs*

Next - you keep saying you are ugly. I honestly don't know you so I can't say one way or the other but - I can say 2 things:
1. Depressed people often see themselves as ugly either on the inside or outside, or both.
2. People your age are going through an "awkward stage" in maturity. Your body will look out of proportion, you may have acne, your voice may start cracking, you might start getting your beard in and your hormones are going nuts (this isn't just a sexual thing, it affects your emotions and your physical well being also).

I know its not easy, I had a horrendous childhood once I hit the age of 12 because my mom died and I started being abused, but, try to be good to yourself - even if nobody else is. Make friends with a teacher if needed. My 10th grade science teacher saved my life just by showing she cared. Talk to your guidance counselor if that may help.

I was a violin player in school too. When I got really upset - I would go to my room, tell my Dad and step mom I was "practicing", and dig out a song in my violin book that I liked and just play from my heart. Then I would go to another. I kept on til I was calm. Sometimes I cried while playing. Its ok to cry.

You said the girl rejected you. I once tried to ask a guy out because no guys were asking me out and I found this one guy really nice and attractive. He and everyone else laughed at me. I understand your pain. I am here to tell you, you can get through it. You can rise above it. I won't tell you "everything will be ok" because I don't know if it will. I don't know if your grandfather will die from cancer. I don't know if your dad will get a good job. I don't know when you will get a girlfriend.

What I do know - you can rise above this. You are stronger than you think. You have a friend in me if nowhere else, I promise. ❤