I’m still depressed. Not nearly as bad and not psychotic anymore but still down. It’s frustrating. And the pdoc in the program is hesitant to give bipolar people antidepressants. She did increase my depakote to 1500mg. But I’ve read that depakote doesn’t really help with depression. I don’t know what to do. I’m taking the rest of November off of work but it will be unpaid. I have to go back in December and get paid again.

I have a lot of cleaning to do but I just want to lay on the couch under a blanket. I have to book My son’s bday party. He’s already upset that it’s going to be late and I feel awful for not booking it earlier. I’ve just been too low. We’re having a family party for him next week the day before his birthday but he also wants a kid party of course.

I’m trying to plan really easy dinners this week so my son doesn’t end up eating a peanut butter sandwich every damn day. So far I have today and tomorrow planned. Need Tuesday and Wednesday. We usually grab something quick on Thursday and go to a restaurant Friday. I have a couple of skillet dinners in my freezer so I’ll be using that too.

Sigh...I don’t know what to do about this depression. I don’t want ECT again.