Wow, you really went through a LOT.

You're so right. It IS easy to rationalize away the red flags. When my ex stole a pair of earrings for me, I BELIEVED him when he said it as one-off, an anomaly and not typical behavior. WHY I listened to HIM rather than ME and my own feelings about, I do not know. Turns out next he stole meds from me, and then took $20 out of a wallet we had found. He is a thief, on top of a big fat pathological liar. ARGH.