'Woo' stuff ahead, be forwarned. Scroll on by if that bothers ya!

So I just got back from this morning's journey circle (for anyone who wasn't around the last time I was talking about this stuff, I attend shamanic journey/drumming circles and am a practitioner). So glad I went!! For my 1st journey my intention was asking the question "what should I do about therapy?" And the answer I was given was basically that I was asking the wrong question, because it seems I've already made a decision. And some questions followed like "how do you feel when you think about not going to therapy anymore? Does it make you sad? Do you cry? Go into your feelings." So I tried, but then I was trying too hard, and so I spent the rest of that one just laying there listening to the drum and relaxing. But as I learned in my training, it happens sometimes, ya just gotta go with the flow.

But then my 2nd journey was a pretty powerful one... My intention for this journey was to ask "How do I know if I'm making the right decision regarding therapy?"

I went to my normal "place" and where it's usually just a river that leads to a lake, this time there was like a tributary off to the left that I'd never seen before so I followed it, and it led me to a beaver who was building a dam in this new area of water. I watched him for a bit. And then asked him "How do you know it was the right decision to do this?" He said "It's not about right or wrong. I have to do it, so I do. And if something different is needed later, then that's okay, that doesn't make it right or wrong either time. It just IS. And I will keep doing what I need to do when I need to do it. That's all it's about." He paused a moment. Then said "Maybe your decision isn't about being right or wrong either - maybe it's just about what you need right now, and that's all that matters." I told him how freeing that is, to think about it in that way, and thanked him for his wisdom and stuff and about then I heard the drum calling me back. Then I sat up and wrote all this down, and shared it with the others when it was my turn. One of the other participants said "So that helps you let go of the guilt." I was like, exactly - and I didn't even have to share the situation. These people are so 'my tribe'!!!

SO, yeah. I am always paralyzed by the "am i right or am i wrong?" thing. So much so that I'm not even aware sometimes (like now!!!!) that I've already MADE the decision that I'm so worried about the rightness or wrongness of.

So I came away from today with the knowledge that sometimes, a decision isn't about what's right or what's wrong. It's about what I need to do at that time. I know what I'm doing about t.