RS -- across all my (short-lived) relationships, I've been the one with the (by miles) batshit crazy family that knows no boundaries (either I dated people who came from 'normal' families or those that came from less crazy families + had already dealt with the craziness).

The one thing I can tell you is that the onus was really on me to create distance from my family (which I didn't do then), which meant in turn that I needed to at least recognize their craziness. My not doing so created a helluva lot of friction in my relationships.

So, I hope for your sake that H steps up one way or the other and doesn't keep subjecting all of you to their madness.