AS, for me its like this situation I have going on with a friend that showed me some kindness and that hooked me...all my pain and longing and yearning to be loved can be fixed by this person, well her and every drug drink and other obessive relationship I've had before her. This time I need to not keep contacting her or using a drug to escape that pain inside that feels like nothingness and feels like the worse lonliness one could ever experience without dying and to sit with it and to talk truthfully about the pain with my therapist and re-experience the feelings from the original hurts in the here and now and finally see that no I cannot get enveloped by another to experience myself as a seperate person and to experience my aloneness and to go through it. Each time I feel I'm going to do it this time, I run ffrom it, I numb myself out in so many ways just for that instant gratification but it still comes back because its got to be felt and then released, its like stored energy inside the body. While I hold onto that negative energy in my body it controls my life, it tells me to do this or to do that to stop it from being experienced, I've believed that theres a magic thing or person out there that will fix me, but they can't no one or nothing can only the allowing the pain to flood my consoiusness and then mourning it will it be cured..or at leasted become managable enought for me to deal with it whilst I get on with life instead of it being my life.