Hi, I am also in my late 40's and have now been in therapy for 2 yrs. Yes, transference was a very interesting thing when it started - and still now, just more accepting of it now. I also went through a period of clamming up when the transference hit. I guess my point is, you are not alone at many of your feelings.

Everything you posted about is valid stuff to talk to your T about.

Good luck on your journey.