Quote:
Originally Posted by eskielover
His demand for living in another state because of your family is nothing but CONTROLLING.
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Your being unhappy for someone who in not committing to you for anything more than a BF seems unreasonable to me. He could be a great guy but there is something seriously wrong with the way you are being controlled by him.
Nothing you are asking for is unreasonable....your BF On the other hand is totally unreasonable. Unless that state is the only place he can get a job but making the choice JUST BECAUSE he doesn't like your family.....not a good foundation for a real loving & caring relationship to grow from.
Maybe you two aren't as compatible as you are WISHING you were.....maybe his controlling you is tearing your relationship apart instead of building it up. When a relationship is all one sided that means there is controlling going on. Maybe the past problems you had with him had to do with controlling in other areas of life?
You are an adult now & you can set your boundaries & be strong with them in dealing with your family & your BF. Sounds like you may be so used to being controlled that it feels normal to you.
You say your parents were controlling about your career. In what way were they controlling? Were they paying for your education that led to your career choice? I wished I had educated & intelligent parents I could have trusted with career making guidance. I changed from a music major I got my AA in to an Accounting & Computer Science major/ minor as a junior. Took me 3 extra years to graduate with an awesome computer engineering career. My parents had absolutely no concept of college level careers & it sure would have been nice.
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Is it controlling when it is in response to the poor way my family has treated him? I agree that its stubborn to say with absolute certainty he wouldn't live in my home state because of my family but I also see where he's coming from. He tried so hard to be friendly towards them- driving them around, cooking for them, but they treat him like he's not good enough and they tell me to break up with him.
We are having these conversations now because we are talking about marriage and kids and I want to make sure I know where it's going before I commit forever.
Overall I don't see him as a controlling person- he has never had issues with any of my friends, he is totally supportive of my career goals and is even willing to do long distance for me to accomplish them. He isn't even jealous of other guys in my life. He only has issues with my family.
I agree that the people closest to me have always been strong personalities who have strong opinions and it affects me because I value those opinions.
As far as my family being controlling of my career it's because they have told me what major to have in college, what career to pursue, how to spend my money, and where to live. They tell me what they believe is right but they also tell me that they know at the end of the day I will do whats right for me. They have also had issues with people i've been friends with in the past. All these things considered I know I am my own person and I wish I wasn't as affected by their opinions as I am but I am.