Quote:
Originally Posted by healingme4me
I agree about needing to let go of the compulsion of wanting to check his phone and I also agree to not be dismissive of this nor to minimize what it means in the scope of your marriage.
It takes some renewal of your bond to him. At the same time, going forward it's important for you to know there's some lines that cannot be crossed. They interact professionally in a way and there just cannot be any blurring of that.
It comes accross through your posts that there's a sense of you being in the wrong? Maybe I misunderstand? The interactions bother you. That needs to be respected. Trust can only be rebuilt with time, compassion and sensitivity. If he's toning it down, it will show and be clear overtime.
I'll repeat the letting go is of the compulsion to look at his phone not letting go and accepting their interactions as they have been.
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You are right, I do feel that I'm a bit on the wrong side, sometimes I get the feeling that I'm exaggerating and blowing things out of proportion since he feels that he is not doing anything wrong, he truly sees his friendship with Elly as purely platonic, his reactions made me feel like a lunatic, he was so surprised and so ofended when I hinted that he may be having an emotional affair that I felt like a mad person only for suggesting it.
The fact that he lied about not texting with her made me suffer beyond limits, but I realize that he did that because he doesn't see it as a big deal at all, he doesn't seem to notice what is bothering me so much, he thinks I'm being paranoid and obsessive over this, and I'm also starting to believe it.
Even though, he stopped the texting, he still doesn't understand what was the big deal, he stopped because I asked him, and he makes me feel guilty about this all the time, maybe that is why I keep feeling the urge of spying on him, he is not really trying to gain my trust back, he doesn't feel he has to, he talks about the subject as if it was MY problem, something I did, something I have to overcome, he acts as if he was the one helping me cope with the situation I created. What I mean is that he is not sorry, he is willing to eliminate that friendship from his life and fix things with me, but he still feels he did nothing wrong, and that is what is making me feel so miserable, because I feel like a typical *****y and jealous wife, that wants to control her husband's every movement, which I'm not and never was, this the first time in our 10 years together that I acted jealous about something, he's had girl friends in the past and I never felt the need to act like this, I honestly don't know if my actions were justified or not, sometimes I feel like he's right and I exaggerated about nothing and created this horrible situation out of insecurity, making things uncomfortable for everybody for no reason at all, and it is making me feel awful.