I've recently uncovered an Alter called Monro, who is so close to how I am that I didn't realise she was there - I assumed the thoughts & things she said were just me 'out of sorts' on occasion. A lot of what Monro/Outside Me think about is hurtful, insulting & racist. They/I've also shouted at people & made bad situations worse. Sometimes She/Me have thought kind things, but most of the time that's not the case. I have arguments in my head often, and I also internally talk to myself a lot (I lost my voice as a child when the abuse was at it's most frequent. I'm also Selectively Mute). I only thought it was a new Alter when I realised the pronouns she used to describe Outside Me were wrong.

But now I'm starting to doubt that. I'm worried that I'm just not a very nice person, and that I have these negative thoughts & feelings about others - that I'm placing the blame on Monro, instead of Outside Me taking responsibility. I honestly don't know if these are Outside Me's thoughts or if it's Monro. If it's Outside Me, then God help me, I'm a racist git. I'm black & very anti-racist. I've volunteered with many Social Justice initiatives. I even set up a support group for LGBT+ People of Colour.

If it is Monro doing this, then I could understand in a way - my Alters are there & were born/created to protect me, even if they're negative. But blimey, I'd rather not exist if this is the 'real' me.