I didn't know where to put this, sorry.

Long story short, back in April I made a post here on PC about being disappointed that a friend of mine didn't cut herself deeper. She had asked for "tips", I had told her some stuff she could do, but she still didn't cut deep.

Fast forward until last wednesday; things went out of hand and I simply couldn't deal with talking to people for a while, so I stopped talking to my friends. I told them all, including her, that I needed a break.

Then, a few days ago, she sends me messages begging me to start talking to her again. I don't answer her. A few hours later, she sends me pictures of what she had done to herself. Finally she had cut deeper. She asked me what I thought of it, if it was good enough, stuff like that. I still didn't answer.

I still haven't talked to her, but I found her posts on another forum. Apparently she went to the hospital and got 15 stitches. If she had asked me, I would've told her to not bother getting stitches because it really wasn't that big.

And for some reason, I'm just really angry at her. I hate that she didn't cut deeper. I hate that she went to the ER with that cut. I realize this makes me a bad friend, so for now I'm just staying away from her.

I recognize that I shouldn't feel this way. I shouldn't want her to hurt herself worse. But I do. I don't feel sorry for her at all, just angry. If she were here, I'm not sure I could've controlled myself, I think I might've hurt her. Luckily for me, she's very far away.

I don't understand why I am this way. I feel like a normal person, but sometimes I just do these things that I recognize as wrong, yet I never feel bad about it. I'm curious as to why I'm like this. Is something wrong with me? Or are most people like this, they're just way better at hiding it?

Anyone... relate? Or... I don't know, any thoughts?