Had gone to see t yesterday and we did emdr. I like emdr because it does seem to work for me. but the day after is like a hangover and the feeling of what was discussed are raw as if i was just experiencing them. We dug into the mental part of the abuse. which just angers me to the core, then the feelings of its ok, then the feelings of its not ok, then the feeling of just a quick cut to release the stress.

I have a migrane today, and i feel like the urge today is so severe that 47 days will be thrown out the window.

what is wrong with me???? i feel like a freak. I cant find a freakin job, the bills are still here. (not like theyd leave....) I just hadnt envisioned me being 39 and having these issues. I thought once the parents were gone, i would be free and yet i still feel trapped in the past. Everybody says im a good person. they all say I am a smart person. then why cant i get a job? why cant anybody take me on for work. its been a lot of calls, and no jobs?????? and then to add insult to injury im thinging about THEM.....

Stress levels are high today. way high. feeling like a failure. feeling like i will never get past this. feeling like i need to feel.....IT....again.....

sorry this is so long winded. But i needed to talk to my friends and be where its safe.

Colleen