i dont know what was going on with her...

she had been acting strange for a little while...
i dont know how long... my memory is breaking

like not talking very much... being short..
finally this morning she said she feels empty, like nothing and i was trying to figure it out and help... but she wasn't being responsive... and she said something about she didnt know how to talk and that sometimes people just need to be understanding and be available when they ready to talk and stuff.. and i said something about her need love and it like flipped her or something and she said she doesnt need love or want love or want anything and blocked me...

she said she is going through a lot and no one understands but i tried to tell her i want to understand and be there for her but she wouldn't talk to me about anything...
she said she has ptsd and stuff too...

was like nothing i did or said or tried was worth anything...

i feel like a big **** up and failure... worthless... tried to ignore all of my gut feelings and be sweet and caring and stuff... but i just get ****ed everytime...

she knows i have the bpd stuff and ptsd... i dunno why she would do this if she just isn't giving me a big **** you... i was thinking maybe she just didnt know what else to do any maybe needed time away... but i feel like thats a ***** thought and stupid and wrong and just going to prolong bloody pains...

its over, i ****ed it up... like everything i do
god damnit...