Sun, I've only read your initial post and wanted to tell you an idea/impression I got from it.

Both the session and the e-mail were similar in that it is your impression/feelings about them that are important. What your T felt and meant by telling you again at the end that he had been married 20 years and was divorced, telling you at the moment he did, isn't known. Your feelings about it are though. What I'm saying (badly I fear) is that we often only take from things what we, ourselves focus on and that's not necessarily what happened or what the larger picture is?

I got the feeling that, since the two of you were talking about his new marriage coming up, that he was trying to give you hope, to show or reiterate for you that if it can happen to him it can happen for you, that life doesn't end with divorce? He seemed to be saying to me, "We're the same, we both were married a long time, 20 years in my case, and divorced. But I'm planning a wedding here while you're just planning your divorce; there's more love for you ahead too, doesn't matter how long you were married before your divorce, how good/bad long/short the whole thing was."

He wasn't telling you something he didn't realize you knew, he was emphasizing your similarities, how much alike you all are.

It's not related to divorce :-) but I remember when I thought my T had made fun of me and seriously put me down one week and I spent the whole time before our next session working on that. Since I "knew" my T well enough to know she had never done that before and didn't seem likely to have done it now suddenly (after 25 years :-) I worked to find an alternate "meaning" for myself. I finally found it, that she cared enough she was warning me, begging for me not to repeat patterns I'd had in the past and telling me what disasters could happen if I did. I had only heard her "criticizing" me, telling me about my past behavior that sucked. Fortunately, she was so adamant when she said it that I stopped in my tracks and went slowly forward and didn't repeat my old behaviors that day (and then the next week worked on the insult which seemed to imply I was automatically going to repeat because I was a loser :-)

But what the other person means by what they say truly cannot be understood by us unless we ask them or clarify with them our impressions. I forget that all the time.