Quote:
Originally Posted by eskielover
yes, people can be controlling in just one area of life. That is way more than JUST being stubborn. FORCING you to chose between him in another state & your family just because the poor way your family treated him is selfish & it shows that he cares more about himself than you or he would be willing to compromise.
So at this point in time it's this....what will come up in the future that he will not be willing to compromise over. Marriage is all about compromise, not selfish stubbornness/control. I can see going out of state because job demands take someone there & there is no quality job closer then compromise to go to that other state is understandable but the other state JUST BECAUSE of your parents is totally unreasonable. If you are this miserable now about where you are living it will only get worse with time not better especially if you hate the state to begin with.
You are the one being forced to do ALL the giving up. Is that reallybthebkind of marriage you want? There can be DEAL BREAKERS in relationships no matter how much you may care for someone. You have to look at your happiness & weigh out all the positives & negatives & in the end...it is your choice you have to live with so it is really wise to KNOW YOURSELF.
Bottom line is that you can't make anyone be at peace with each other & actually your BF's choice is feeding the lack of peace & creating more tension between him & your family because he is unwilling to compromise & is taking a controlling stand.....driving an even bigger wedge between them.
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I see what you mean. It has nothing to do with a job- my home state has the same job opportunities as our current state. We met in my home state and he applied for his doctorate but was waitlisted from the only program in my home state. Therefore he had to go to his backup in another state and I followed along. I left my job, family, and friends with the hopes of returning home eventually. I guess I thought if I was willing to give this all up today he would be willing to give something up later on. I don't want to lose him and he is there for me and very loving and supportive in every other aspect of my life.
I just know I'm not happy in my new environment, I am SO BORED AND LONLEY. I have a really hard time making friends in general and I have a few very close friends in my home state that I wanted to have in my life forever. I have known some of them since childhood and you can never replace that. In my new state I haven't made a single true friend in the 8 months I've been there. Sure, we hang out with his friends, or I talk to co-workers but I haven't connected with anyone and thats been so hard. So its more than just my family thats in my home state. I also know that if we do break up I will always be resentful of my family for treating him poorly and driving him away. I don't want to be with anyone else and I believe love is rare, especially for someone like me who has a hard time connecting.