I don't understand what you mean by "pretending to act in your own best interest" - please explain. I am not "pretending" at anything and I find it highly offensive that you would just assume so, so, maybe just explain yourself clearly, please. There is probably just a misunderstanding and I am overreacting.

Now - in terms of Van Gogh, although we should always look on the bright side of life, I just want to point out a bit of reality: Vincent Van Gogh's art only became critically acclaimed after his passing (because it then acquired nostalgic and sentimental value which art-collectors feed on like leeches); during his lifetime he suffered financially, as well as psychologically, and many didn't like his paintings. He basically committed suicide and died in poverty because life sucks and talent means nothing if you don't have the means, luck and effort on your part to turn it into skill, or something cheaply marketable that the masses will blindly consume. Thus, in terms of motivation for success, Van Gogh is a horrible role model. XD

I don't see how being stressed about the reality of my future is malignant. The fact of the matter is that my window of opportunity is closing, there would be something seriously wrong with me if I was not freaking out about that - if I just calmly accepted that my last chance to achieve the only two things I want in life has passed and I just have to sit around now and wait to die because it's gone. I'd have to settle for less than.

I don't mean this in an offensive way at all, but I think you are thinking too idealistically about life and opportunities - which, depending on your situation, may be necessary... I may also be thinking too pessimistically, although I'm pretty sure my outlook is realistic - and I believe it is better to be prepared for the worst and not get it, than expect the best and not get it. Pretending like everything is fine, when it is not, will not make your dreams come true. And I, personally, would not be able to fake happiness for the rest of my life on this god-forsaken planet knowing that my opportunities have come, gone and I failed. I wouldn't cope, I wouldn't know where to start again or what to even work towards.

I don't mean ANY of this in a cruel way. It may sound very harsh, but it is the truth - and if you deny truth more problems will come.