I've been manic for the last several months, but I'm pretty sure I'm sinking into depression right now. I can tell. When I get depressed it's almost like a physical rock pressing down on my midsection. It's definitely not a physical problem, it's just an emotional and mental thing

I wrote earlier on this board about feeling restless. It's not so much restlessness as that I'm starting to completely lose interest in things that usually mean so much to me. Usually at this time of year I'm starting to listen to Christmas music and reading Christmas books and getting really excited about the holidays. Not this year. I'm just not able to get into it so much this year.

I hate, hate, hate this disease. I'm so afraid I'll sink into that black place where I can't get out of bed, or if I do, I just sit on the couch and stare at the wall all day.

I'm on medication. I have been for years. Every so often, we have to tweak it and make adjustments to it. So why don't they work? Why do I still cycle? I am so sick of this disease controlling my life. There has to be a better way if the meds don't help. Very, very discouraged today.