Quote:
Originally Posted by seesaw
MH = Mental Health
MPD = Multiple Personality Disorder
Here's the thing...I don't think anyone thinks you should give up, but what I think would be good is, considering he's only recently been diagnosed is that you two agree to step back from the romance and stress of a relationship, be there as his friend while he goes through the process of finding the right meds, and once he's stabilized you can start the more serious side of the relationship again.
This will give him space to not be so stressed that he is hurting you when he's hypomanic, and also gives you space to be safe while he gets stabilized. It takes a while for people to find the right meds that work for them, and he's been asking you to step back for a while because he doesn't want to hurt you. It doesn't mean things are over, it just gives you two space to breathe while he figures things out. It takes the pressure off so he doesn't feel like he's letting you down all the time by going through this. It also will help you to realize you are NOT responsible for his moods or what he does during those moods.
You seem to feel responsible to take care of him when he's hypomanic and not let him have to suffer the consequences of his own actions when he's that way. Unfortunately, even when we are suffering from and MI (mental illness) we are still responsible for our actions when all is said and done. I've had to apologize multiple times for things I've done while in psychosis. But at the end of the day, I did those things. So I am responsible. I try to learn from it to figure out what to do during those times so I don't hurt others, and your BF has to learn to. Maybe when he's hypomanic he needs to not be around you so he doesn't hurt you?
Just some things to think about.
I fear you are becoming co-dependent with this relationship - you are taking on responsibility for his actions and emotions, dealing with emotional blackmail...all the signs of co-dependency. I think maybe it would be good for you to see a therapist yourself to help you establish boundaries in this relationship so you are taking care of your mental health at the same time.
Again, not saying it can't or won't work, just saying maybe you both need to slow down and allow him time to stabilize before putting the stress of a relationship on you both as well. Think long-term, not short-term. You want to build a good foundation, and he needs to be healthy for you to do that.
Seesaw
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I agree with you on some things very much because we actually have already been doing that since beginning of the year when it happened.
Like I said,when he came out of hospital,he asked me for a break,to find himself and to get better..he even asked me to tone down emotions because it was overwhelming for him..i did all that and after a while he did got better. He actually went back to him old self after those 5 months..that fight before the switch then was because he was in aggressive state and sadly because no one explained to me or told me what I should actually do, I ended up fighting him..which I know now that i was doing wrong...the emotions I started to show slowly as we both agreed. I really did everything you've mentioned so he could get better...and he really did.
We were going with this relationship with very slow pace...we still barely talk over phone because it can get overwhelming for him sometimes...much less overwhelming now than it did 3 months earlier but still I'm not pushing it tho, even tho I miss talking to him, cuz I know he needs time for this.
This year we haven't seen each other off course, by that I mean I haven't traveled to visit him because it would put too much emotional stress onto him when I would be leaving...he would probably end up in hospital again and that's last thing I'd want to happen to him
When I asked him about if I could see him next yr,he was really ok with it,I asked him if he would feel comfortable and if he would feel ok fro the obvious reasons. He said,no problem.
But I have a feeling that maybe we won't be able to see each other bcuz of what just happen...I won't rush it or force it or anything,we'll both know for sure on how he'll feel and how his state of mind will be next yr around late spring,bcuz the visit should be in summer. I know we can't rush it so if there'll be any doubts,it won't happen.
After he comes back to himself from this current episode & comes out of hospital and if he'll ask for another slowing down,I'll do it off course...just like before. I love him and I want him to be ok and get better.❤
As you said,both me and him need to think the long run.
I know that to some point he's responsible for his behavior,but it's a bit hard to give him full responsibility when he wasn't even conscious. It's like someone turned you off like a toy, put different persona card in your brain and turned you back on :/
But he knows he's responsible for his behavior, being conscious or not. :/ he always feels awful when he realizes what the "other" one said or did..especially to me. He always apologizes so I know what you meant by that. That's why he asked me to behave that way,because the other one only reacts and calms down when you tell him to F off,when you're cold to him as he is to you...his own psychiatrist actually suggested it. He just told me to do this because that side would hurt me a lot in past and he wants to avoid it,he wants to avoid for both of us to feel hurt afterwards. That's why I'm doing it. He's just trying to prevent me from getting hurt in long run.
But this latest switch by hypomania is completely different thing...it was completely erratic. His reason for breakup had no reason or logic. He didn't want it because he didn't want to hurt me or that he needed to slow down..his reason was,and I quote..why bother with it :/ completely irrational and illogical. That's why I knew for sure that it wasn't real him...another reason is because when it's not real him,he doesn't even call me by my name...like I'm a stranger he just met. The only way to end it,and this is from his psychiatrist,I need to put my foot down and stop talking to him...which I did..it's only way for him to calm down..sadly since it's hypomania,it's not ending like normal manic ep :/
So his family stepped in to help him and make him get help..thank heavens.
He will be ok but it'll take a while for him to get better. :"❤
And I'm feeling much calmer now that I know he's in good hands. ❤❤❤
Btw,that hypomania was really caused by that stress training,he just started it and already got 1st hypomania on that same weekend...it was obviously too much for him
Btw,about getting psychiatrist, I was actually thinking about this even before you mentioned it. Because till this yr I've never encountered these illnesses and tbh I don't want to end up again as clueless sheep,panicking,not knowing what to do or what to think.
If nothing else, I could really use some consultation from a professional.
I really hope I'll find a good one. I had previous exp with psychologists(related to my support group back then,I was overweight) and those doctors weren't so good. The guy that was running the group,even tho he was known doctor,was superficial and didn't show that much love toward the patients. So wish me luck on that
Oh and about that personality subsiding,his psychiatrist said that. She said it'll calm itself as that time passes for that you need for bipolar to stabilize itself completely.
Off course nothing goes away completely & for good...I know that. Bipolar is a tough illness that you have for life. But if he won't be dealing with any extreme stress,and will continue with his treatments and all, he'll be ok.