I just came out of a week or so of being in my head, reacting to the real world as if my thoughts were true instead of just my thoughts. My fear of someone leaving me turned to thinking it was actually happening and trying to prevent it and trying to bring that person closer to me. But the truth is that the person was not leavng me; the only thing that was real was my fear.

I lashed out at someone else, not the one I was afraid was leaving of course. Someone 'safe' to lash out at. I've paced with worry, rushed about in panic, cried an ocean, lost sleep, had suicidal thoughts, and stuffed my mouth with food. All the wrong places to look for help, for relief, for soothing.

Now that it's been resolved and I've come out of that foggy place where I have no control, no help, no hope. I'm clear headed and calm.

I know the storminess of my moods will come again because this pattern has been consistent in my life. It's excrutiating and frightening. But this time I've been able to see where things began and how they escalated. I feel like that was a different person that the person I feel like right this moment. I have much to think about. Much to use in my therapy and a clearer picture of what to explore.

But I know the storm will come back.

I feel like I'm in the eye of the hurricane. But I will enjoy it while it's here. This is good thinking time.

Has anyone else had a similar experience/s? Have you been able to learn from them, explore the pattern in therapy, learn to head them off in the future?