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I'm so sorry for each and every loss you all had to bear and continue to bear. It's a very heavy weight. Knowing we can't fix it.

I lost my sister and best friend in 1997, but there was a closure between us and I felt close to her just by tucking the blankets in around her or bothering the nurses for her morphine because it was 1/2 hour late.

She passed before she learned the devastating truth that her little nieces, whom she loved with all her heart, had lifelong beliefs that their mother wasn't me, it was Jean (my ex's now wife). They have nothing to do with me, don't contact me or write me. I only know that the 26 year old is living in Calgary and the 23 year old is somewhere in my part of the country. It's been 8 years since they've moved back to where I bore them. I've heard people telling me, just wait until they have a baby, then they'll come around. They told me all kinds of stories with hope, and were wrong.
I'm crumbling, I'm numb, my heart aches, I just can't find a reason to live anymore. It's been 10 years since I've even seen them (I saw them for an hour in 1998). I can't hope at all now. I can't fight anymore, I don't have any more ideas to wipe out all the mind controlling of 2 childhoods. I hate myself. The long history started in 1987. They don't even keep prisoners in jail for long. I'm in prison of my mind every day. I can't find a group for people like me.