I think I have to be really vague in this post, so as not to scare anyone.

I've been having frightening thoughts for the past 24 hours. I've been thinking of things I want to do, things that would fix it all for me. They're terrible thoughts, of doing immoral things. But not to worry, I'm afraid to do any of it. I just feel like it would fix so much.

It's this terrible, psychotic way I heal myself. If I think of doing these things, just lashing out at everything that plagues me, it makes me feel better in this twisted way.

I've always been too egotistical to check myself in, but tonight's the night, I have to or I could do something regrettable. So I think I will institutionalize myself. It's time guys. Tonight as soon as it gets dark, and no one can see me taking my suitcase out, I'm going to leave, cross the state line and find a place to stay, far away from my problems and without means to do anything with bad consequences.

Am I freaking out too soon? Am I overreacting? Maybe it's too soon, is it? And I'm sure they'll make fun of me. I know how they are, people who work at those places. They don't have half the mental capacity that someone like me does, but they can laugh at the fact that my thoughts hurt me. I'm just doing it so I'm in a state other than my current one, no other reason. I don't respect any of these people.