Hi BirdCatcher!

I think this admission is an important one....

You should really try to direct your focus/attention to your preexisting feelings of insecurity. I know it's really challenging to do, but this is what lies at the heart of the matter. Your husbands interactions with this woman are serving to remind you and reconnect you with your preexisting insecurities. This is one of the reasons why the feelings you are experiencing are so intense. To the rational/logical mind - it won't quite make sense why your feelings can be so strong when the external circumstances (that you think are responsible for causing them) do not seem to warrant such a strong emotional reaction. It's because what you are experiencing runs much deeper than the surface level details/circumstances would suggest.

A common occurrence during the course of an individual's healing and growth process is for someone or some life experience to come along which serves to trigger deeply embedded and stored emotional material (energy) from one's past, which had previously been suppressed or pushed away into one's subconscious. That 'triggering' needs to happen so that the emotional material (energy) can be brought to the surface where it needs to be consciously acknowledge/experienced so that it can ultimately be released (purged). When something like this happens, the individuals just needs to 'ride out the storm' and allow themselves to experience the difficult/challenging emotions that surface. Eventually the wave of emotional activity will subside and pass - and the end result is that the individual is changed (in a positive way) as a result of allowing themselves to experience that emotional purging/release.

Keep going... This is happening for a purpose....

I recommend writing down exactly what you are experiencing and feeling. This doesn't have to be done on a forum or sent to anyone else to read, just the act of writing helps you to process what is surfacing in your state of consciousness and allows you to be more of an 'Observer' to what is transpiring. Helps foster increased awareness and insight. You don't have to even save what you write - it's just the act of doing it that proves to be therapeutic.

Hang in there. At some point it's going to become clear why you are going through this...