((((((((((( peej )))))))))))
im so sorry you are hurting so bad right now. Losing a loved one is something no one wishes for. but unfortanutely that is how cruel the world can be at times. i have lost many to suicide and i know what greif feels like. and so do many others here at pc, and we are all here for you. please feel better soon.
pm me for anything
sending safe gentle hugs your way