<<BlueCrustacean>>
Clearly, both my parents have failed horrifically at teaching me love and self esteem. I'm still resentful about my past. I've learned that I'm only worth anything to anyone if I do lots of incredible, impressive things to gain attention and praise, and EVEN THEN I'm still not good enough. I'm never good enough. If I'm not perfect, then I don't deserve to live. If I make a single mistake, then it's too painful to bear and I want to kill myself. My worth as a human being lies in my outer accomplishments, which is why I feel so bad about still having no career or life of my own, in spite of all my wildest dreams as a child.

I am sorry you feel so stuck. I think when someone is a narcissist, many times there was something in their childhood that made them insecure so rather than dealing with their feelings they act out. I say this because I hope you can eventually forgive your parents for your sake. Of course, it is time to set boundaries with them and move out.

Transitioning from childhood to an adult it is not easy because you have to make a plan (which they may not support) and I know it takes time to become self sufficient. I think it is especially hard for kids who are not provided resources that give them a "leg up" (a car, $ for school, etc.) Remember, impressive accomplishments do not happen quickly or even as you plan. Most people have a lot of fails in life. Some of them can be hard to laugh at but whenever you can, it helps. Many people have a lot of fails on the way to success. It takes planning, implementing, then reworking your plan when you have a roadblock or fail. You have to enjoy the process or if there are things that must be done that you do not enjoy then reward yourself some way when you get something hard done.

I've had a hard time getting over some things and I found that venting my feeling here helped a lot. Many other young people are struggling just like you. I hope you can get these hard feelings behind you and get on with your life. Just because you are a late bloomer does not mean it is to late. Never give up. Ever. You are still very young and have many years ahead of you. Live for you!!!