I'm just always doing the wrong thing or making wrong choices. I went outside my marriage for emotional support. I grew feelings for the person I befriended. The feelings we're mutual. For me this isn't unusual to happen. I decided to tell my husband as I thought it was the right thing to do. For me this did not mean that I didn't love my husband anymore or that I was trying to leave him but he perceives it that way. He doesn't believe in having feelings for more than one person. So I said that I would stop talking to the friend. It was very hard to stop talking to the only person I felt I had as a friend and he was also my gaming buddy. My husband wasn't happy that I didn't stop talking to him when I said I would and then I did lie about it which made it worse. So this time I have actually stopped talking to him and the friend is hurt. I'm back to feeling alone and having no friends. My husband is great but he doesn't provide the full emotional support that I need or as much physical touch that I need. He tries to talk to me but we always end up arguing over whatever or he just gives me his opposing opinion or how he thinks something should be or whatever and that's not what I need. He is not very good at comforting me and just being there. I've learned that this is just different need styles. I need people in my life and I don't have any other than him and the kids. I need to feel connection with people and closeness but I can't because it's wrong. This has happened before and everyone gets hurt. Not saying they were in the wrong because I was. It just makes me feel like me as a person is wrong. If I was to be truly me it would be wrong. Not that I know who I am 100% because I Definitely do not but there are things about me that are wrong.