Hello All!

I am reaching out to this forum as a way to find support and educate myself on my mental illnesses. My family and friends are very supportive, but don't really "get it", and they can't offer me any advice, because they don't have the issues that I do.

A little background, have been dealing with severe anxiety for a couple years now. Well, a couple of years of being treated, prior to that I was not. Was being treated by my PCP, who just kept upping my dose of much. I was also in therapy for a year and a half with a great therapist, we focused mostly on anxiety and childhood/family issues. Well after increasing the doses over the course of a year, I started to realize different symptoms aside from anxiety. Rapid mood swings...

I have always had mood swings. Especially hyperactive ones. My sister has always suspected that I had bipolar disorder, but I never really wanted to go there. Yes, I suspected too, but didn't want something to be "wrong with me". So after having these intense rapid mood swings, I almost had a breakdown. I had an appointment scheduled with a psychiatrist (who I can't get in to see for 6 MONTHS!) and went into my local health and human services outpatient mental health unit.

Did an intake with a psychotherapist who basically said, yes you are bipolar. I saw a Psych NP the next week who said, "I am not officially diagnosing you with bipolar because you do not have psychotic symptoms, but I am going to treat you like you are bipolar". Umm.... OK. So I finally felt validated when I realized yes, I am bipolar. There is a reason for the way I am, and the things that happen to me. But her saying that really got to me. She also told me I should be married to my S.O. and am wasting my
fertile years, WTF. I am hoping to get into the new Psych earlier, the therapist I am now seeing is associated with them and is trying to get my in earlier. Especially because the health and human services isn't covered by insurance and is self-pay....

So here I am, a week after starting Lamictal, weaning off my Citalopram (which made me worse, but hey maybe it gave me the kick in the butt to finally address this). Some side effects, but not bad anymore. Have noticed that I just feel a little more "dim" so to say. Mellowed out. Is it crazy to say that I want my hypomania back? I was so productive LOL. I was overactive the last couple of days, but now I'm a little dull feeling. I'm a full time graduate student and work part-time right now, so that push helps.

So, that is my story for now. I hope I can learn, get advice and find support from this forum.

Advice appreciated on the following topics
1. Finding a good psychiatrist relationship
2. Working while bipolar (I am a RN)
3. Medication management, what has worked best for you?
4. I used to self medicate a lot with alcohol, and then just social drinking. My circle of friends (late 20's) tend to drink during get-together's. I can't drink on the Lamictal I was told. Having a somewhat difficult time with this, as I enjoy beer and trying different IPA's. Also when I am drinking NA beer, I don't want to have to explain to people why.

Thanks All!